the tunnel

Sometimes when things feel darkest I write letters to my self. I can’t explain where the voice comes from, but she always arrives to meet me in that place. This is a letter I wrote myself in early January 2022, on a day when I felt particularly lost.

Dear me—

I know that it feels scary right now. You are in uncharted territory. There is—ultimately—no map. No rules, no handbook. That’s ok. Where have rules gotten you anyway? No rules means your imagination can run wild.

The thing is, you have to stumble through the messy part of not knowing before the pieces can assemble themselves. It's like dumping the puzzle pieces out of the box and turning them over one by one. It’s part of the process. It’s just not your favorite part.

It feels dark, and it is. But how can there be light at the end of the tunnel without the tunnel? When our eyes have trouble seeing, we rely on our other senses. So feel your way forward, tentative step by tentative step.

The way is made by walking, so onward you go. But may you go with all the tenderness and love you can muster. May you be on your own side. May you find the ones who will accompany you, who will add their light to yours. May you find the courage. May you trust yourself and your dreams. May you believe in it more than you’re afraid of it. If you stick with it, the light will slowly reveal itself to you. It always does.

Yours in lightness and in dark,
Me